Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
