This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
