i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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