This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
