You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
