Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
