just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
