HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
