"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i think my cat just said my name.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
