I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
