how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
