i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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