my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
