I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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