Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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