allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize