rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
