We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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