they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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