There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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