oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
