If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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