the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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