i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
