turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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