He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
