she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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