What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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