I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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