I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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