At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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