at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
