she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
