I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize