Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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