come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's like iHOP with fire
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
