and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
