New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
