I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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