You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Soap is not a condiment
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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