wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
