It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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