i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
