But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
