there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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