Apparently you make a good broom.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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