Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need moral support for this bender
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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