I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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