I look better un-naked...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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