I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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