very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
