Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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