Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
