his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
