Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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