you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
