but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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