blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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