please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
