You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
