I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
