Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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