just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
