I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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