Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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