I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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