my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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