were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
