Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
