I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
