I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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