When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
