I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
