Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
