i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
