The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You need a sexual gate keeper
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
