pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
