i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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