Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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