Need sex. Gaining weight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
