guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
