whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
