so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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