As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
