I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
