I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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