They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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