i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
