I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
