he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
