I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
