I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
