I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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