She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Randomize