I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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