I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
no more duck duck goose at the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
