JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
