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Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
