it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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