I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
