We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
