She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize