Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
