My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my sisters under your porch take her home
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
