Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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