Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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