I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize