If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
