Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
