ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
