He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Even the bartender felt bad for me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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