those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
