it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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