Don't EVER smell your tampon
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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