I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
